The Brisbane Window

Operation Kitty Bang Bang

Russell Allen — Fri, 20 Jul 2007 03:52:10 +0000

This weekend. 2,000 horny American males will descend onto Bris Vegas ready to spread their man seed.

I’m going to get myself some head. Luckily, the males of Sydney have broken them in already so they should be match fit. Yummo!

Just The Seven Of You? Park Them One At A Time Please

Each Generation Is Better Than The Last

Russell Allen — Fri, 13 Jul 2007 23:09:12 +0000

Q: What’s worse than an uneducated bigot?
A: An educated bigot.

R.A.: They’re not so bad?!
E.B.: Bloc Party? Queer jigaboo spouting socialist propaganda. University music graduates should be publicly stoned. But instead of stones, use petrol and matches.
R.A.: I won’t ask what you think of Whitney Houston then?

Ceci N’est Pas Une Ginger Biscuit

Russell Allen — Tue, 10 Jul 2007 08:00:15 +0000

As I skulk around IKEA hunting out my favourite, carcinogenic, prefab meatball sauce, Graddsas, of course, I spy a bogan lady. She is standing from a sign 30 centimeters away from her enlarged noggin. In extremely large writing it says ‘Ginger Biscuits’. She has a box of them in her hand.

‘What are they?’, asks her equally bogan other half. He, with an inordinately small head. I suspect they could be twins split from the same ovum but unevenly, just like the Benedicts were in Twins. My suspicions are confirmed as he grabs her arse. Keep it in the family and all that.

‘Dunno. I don’t speak French’.

Etched On A Pyramid

Russell Allen — Sun, 08 Jul 2007 10:23:27 +0000

You know how like in Egyptian times they would carve depictions of how life was like back in them days? Cats with pointy ears, sitting on pots of gold with big fuck-off eyes winking down on ‘em.

Well, I’m glad they don’t do it now because the Great Pyramid Of Cheops would have pictures of me, stark bollock naked, playing air sax to the theme of Boston Legal.

Bau-bau-ba-da-da-ba-da-da!!

Lame Royal Furore

Russell Allen — Tue, 03 Jul 2007 00:41:29 +0000

According to the Danish, the name bestowed to the new princess, Isabella, is too common.

Permanently, bee-stung presenter of A Current Affair, Tracy Grimshaw, weighed in by expressing Isabella is a lovely name. Frankly, they could have called her Sharon Shitpipe and it still would have been a better name than yours, T-Dogg.

Fergie - Hot Or Not?

Russell Allen — Sat, 30 Jun 2007 23:59:01 +0000

Has anyone ever told you how much I dislike Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas? Well, I do. This is my favouritist photo of her. Taken immediately after she took a shit on the lawn after the MTV Australia Video Music Awards.

If You Ain’t Got No Mo’Ney Take Yo Broke Ass Home

She also has a penchant for pissing herself and sniffing arses. Bit like Courtney Love but skankier.

Kochie - Financial Giant

Russell Allen — Thu, 28 Jun 2007 22:22:15 +0000

At 8.06 this morning on Sunrise, the financial giant that is David Koch pronounced after about 30 seconds of fumbling about with pen and paper and umming and ahhhing that 250ish over 60 equals 20.

No, Kochie. It’s not. It’s kinda about 4ish. You should have known that anyway from those E240, 4 hour video tapes.

This bloke hands out financial advice (I know you call it tips) but everyone knows that it’s advice like it’s lube at a brothel. Come on ASIC. Swift arrest and public perp walk for crimes against short division.