The Brisbane Window » Irrational But Beautiful

Steer Me To A Beer To Dampen This Queer Veneer

Plagiarised on 01.05.06 by Russell Allen @ 9:47 pm

Being fairly free-spirited I normally feel like the Teflon kid. Friends of mine have always said - “Oi Dicknose! You’re the kinda cunt that would fall into a pile of horseshit and pull out a diamond - Tiffany - Princess Cut - The Works Burger”. And I always have…nuthin has ever been a problem. Passing out in crack-houses? Too easy! Having a nice shiny watch on the HK / China border? Piece of piss, have it Chairman! Plenty more where they came from. Side-stepping nine rounds of redundancies during the tech crash? Yawn! Whatever! Bring it on!

Lately though, I have felt shat on from a great height, more and more, heavier and heavier with incredible frequency. Speechless, exhausted, confused. The circle of trust tightens and soon I’ll be one of those sorry fuckers with 35 tins of tuna in his closet who trusts no-one.

Et Tu Brute…Et Tu!!

PS…1977-2005 have all been great years. 2006 has been sucky at best. What gives?!?

PPS…Before any of you ask, I don’t do love anymore…I just don’t.

Planted In Window Box: Irrational But Beautiful
Comments: No Comments, Actually I Found 36 Comments Behind The Sofa

Fun With A Freezer

Plagiarised on 22.04.06 by Russell Allen @ 5:38 pm

“Freezing may seem difficult and confusing but it is not - and it can be FUN!! …

… For the busy housewife the freezer is a godsend when servicing your overworked husbands. Save time as sandwiches keep excellently in the freezer but refrain from using lettuce or tomato if you want to stay in his good books…”**

If any of you sorry lot ever have the misfortune of becoming Mrs Allen v2.0, I will divorce you immediately if you ever present me with a frozen friggin sandwich for my lunch. Other grounds for divorce are ‘not understanding the concepts of freezing’ and the ‘finding of freezing difficult’. I don’t mean to be a hard taskmaster but there are limits to abject stupidity. Please note that this also applies if you:

(a) Have a tasty rack that remind me to visit the Honeydew section of the local fruit barn
(b) Have a tasty arse that automatically glistens in the moonlight in the threat of imminent insemination
(c) Have a face that I wanna lick the features right off
(d) Have the rare combination of a, b and c

Divorced! Immediatemente! That said, you do have a Get Outta Jail Free Card if you happen to be presented with a particularly tough freezing conundrum when yer on the blob.

** Just one of the many delightful excepts from the majestic super-read ‘Fun With A Freezer’, published by Hamlyn c. 1977. Unsurprisingly, no author name was apparent.