Kochie - Financial Giant
Plagiarised on 29.06.07 by Russell Allen @ 8:22 am

At 8.06 this morning on Sunrise, the financial giant that is David Koch pronounced after about 30 seconds of fumbling about with pen and paper and umming and ahhhing that 250ish over 60 equals 20.

No, Kochie. It’s not. It’s kinda about 4ish. You should have known that anyway from those E240, 4 hour video tapes.

This bloke hands out financial advice (I know you call it tips) but everyone knows that it’s advice like it’s lube at a brothel. Come on ASIC. Swift arrest and public perp walk for crimes against short division.


Planted In Window Box: Wearing Lindsay Lohan's Panties
Comments: No Comments, Actually I Found 2 Comments Behind The Sofa

Note To Crappy Real Estate Agents
Plagiarised on 28.06.07 by Russell Allen @ 10:44 am

At least, have the courtesy of knowing something, anything, about the property you are showing people around in before asking for a sweet $750K. Even the bird in Donut King knows more than you. If you need guidance, bow down and summon the spirit of your idol - the Gold Coast’s most famousist real estate agent.

House This, Bitches!!  Fo Real

Ba-BLAU!!! Check This Compact Arrangement! Disabled Access. Fo Real!!


Planted In Window Box: Very GC
Comments: No Comments, Actually I Found 7 Comments Behind The Sofa

Icy Appendages
Plagiarised on 26.06.07 by Russell Allen @ 6:40 pm

It is unseasonably frosty around these parts. It got down to a whole 15 degrees today. Colder than a paralegals gobby!

Cold Cock

It’s not every day I break out the winter attire.


Planted In Window Box: Very GC
Comments: No Comments, Actually I Found 9 Comments Behind The Sofa

Empathiser
Plagiarised on 20.06.07 by Russell Allen @ 6:07 pm

I can be a pretty good communicator from time to time . You know of the ‘Nice Tits Darlin’, ‘Better Out Than In’, ‘You Could Suck-Start A Hot-Air Balloon Couldn’t Ya!!’ variety.

However, sometimes I have problems talking to people who are overqualified for their jobs. And because I know this I can’t help digging the knife in, especially if they have some kind of unfounded superiority complex based on some achievement made back when Hawke (or Thatcher) was in office.

I know you could not believe I would be capable of such things but since the advent of Will2K aka the Willennium I have definitely displayed Caring, Understanding, New-age Tendancies.

Will Tells It Like It Is

Statement One:
Using the quantitive metrics that you are familiar with, skip the conception stage, discovery session and feasibility study and head straight for filing cabinet, deploy the documents using typical alphabetical guidelines. Ta!

Statement Two:
If ‘available’ equals ‘hot’ then what does that make ‘U’? Anger deflationary measures needed. Noted.

Statement Three:
Be a sweetheart and reverse engineer me a cup of tea will ya!


Planted In Window Box: Rational But Brutish
Comments: No Comments, Actually I Found 3 Comments Behind The Sofa

I Can’t Get You Outta My Fridge
Plagiarised on 14.06.07 by Russell Allen @ 10:54 am

Ever since the skinny wretch has grown her hair back, she’s just had her nose in my fridge the whole friggin time. I say to Kylie - ‘Look! Do you really wanna be a fat chick like you were back when you sticking jiffy bags over Hutchence’s head while tossing him off?? No! I didn’t think so. Take your tongue out of Newman’s Own Ranch bottle and stick yer lips around this one. Boobs down, arse up, the old fashioned way!”

Anarchy Lives In Kylie’s Arse. Fact!

Needless to say I am still miffed at the fact she insists on having loads of gallic stuff around considering she is supposed to be over Martinez. Fuckin leftover Pommes Frites with Anchovies! That is why I play ‘Too Many Broken Hearts’ by her ex, the legend, Jason Donovan. She doesn’t like that one little bit. I liken the success of Minogue in favour of the far superior Donovan as one of life’s great mysteries. On a par with Mark Chapman shooting Lennon when Ono was stood two feet away from him. Were you confused, Chapman?! Well, were you!!!! I mean, how difficult could it have been?

Yoko Has Two Heads! Quick, Shoot The Top One!


Planted In Window Box: Pig's Ear
Comments: No Comments, Actually I Found 9 Comments Behind The Sofa

Hello World! (The Era Of Dull Diaries)
Plagiarised on 08.06.07 by Russell Allen @ 8:07 am

I have been distinctly absent around these parts. It is remiss of me but, believe it or not, I have been, as fibbing charlatans say to their loved ones, busy.

Too busy to regale you with stories of buttery baked items, thumb buggery and Jude Law’s thinning hairline? Is that possible, I hear you say?

I have been so busy with the do-ing of the stuff that I had decided to keep a mirror diary of Paris Hilton’s stay in jail. Since she’s gonna get paid a mil-five for producing one, I’ll do one for you for free and not only that, if you order in the next five minutes you also get free all the exact same content, plot lines and twists that you’d expect from a Pazza Hilton thriller.

Day One: Holy Shit!

Day Two: My Tummy Hurts, Yo!

Day Three: Yay!

Aren’t you glad I saved you $24.95. I thought so…


Planted In Window Box: Coveting Thy Neighbours Pink Oxen
Comments: No Comments, Actually I Found 3 Comments Behind The Sofa

Random Notes To Others: 
My Dad kinda looks like Christopher Moltisanti. Pow!

I don't understand why butchers put parsley on mince to make it look fancy.

The colour red doesn't make me angry, though funnily enough, tomatoes do.


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