I Should Do The Responsible Thing And Use My Saved Bail Money On Buying Some Common Fuckin Sense
My favourite pair of denim Superstars have been causing me grief for the last couple of months. On the edge of the big toe, it felt like the inner has unglued and started flapping up causing a bit of friction. Considering I wear these most days it’s been really annoying. Finally, I plucked up the courage to put my nose in and fix it once and for all.
Believe it or not, it wasn’t the inner being unglued at all. No, No! It was a bag. In the bag there were two smaller bags. One with 3 pills and the other with half a G of charlie. Sweet! As the bros from Mini Movers say. I’d been looking for those bad-bwoys for ages. They must have fallen in there a couple of months ago, incidentally when my shoe started fucking out.
Of course, the first thought in my head on a Thursday morning was to gobble and hoover the contents of said bags into my said body.
The second thought was I’ll put my sneaks on and see if they feel better. They certainly do. No issues anymore here.
The third thought and most importantly was I’ve been through Gold Coast Airport 6 times in that time. Brisbane Airport 4 times. Sydney & Melbourne a bunch of times. I could have been featured on friggin Border Patrol or some shite. The excuses wouldn’t have worked. “I didn’t pack my own shoe guv…It was the handsome stranger who asked me to wear his shoes”.
The hugest irony was, when at Melbourne Airport, the drug squad were training its dog to find drugs and asked me to put ‘their’ package next to my bag to test their dog. The dog found it, sat next to me, they patted its head and fucked off. I really am very lucky…I will probably go off and celebrate now, by myself, for five hours…
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Nice one Russ. That’s the funniest story I’ve heard in a long time.
I wonder if Schappelle was thinking “now where did I hide my 4kg stash of weed?” right before the Indo’s found it for her…
Hit by SurferCam — March 9, 2007 @ 9:26 am
I am in fits of giggles here!
That would only happen to you!
Hit by Giggles — March 9, 2007 @ 10:24 am
Nicely done Mr Allen. Stupid sniffer dogs. They don’t know their Coke from their arsehole!
Hit by Spazzy McTard — March 9, 2007 @ 1:06 pm
That’s so funny.
Hit by sublime-ation — March 9, 2007 @ 2:58 pm
you made that up just so I would laugh myself sick.
you’re awful.
Hit by GoAwayPlease — March 10, 2007 @ 9:37 pm
Hola, Mr Allen! Long time, no read. Good to see you’re up to your usual mischief!
Hit by Puss — March 12, 2007 @ 9:28 am
I have no idea how you pull this crap off but ..you’re GOOD!
Hit by mez — March 12, 2007 @ 6:09 pm
Live the dream!
Hit by Barnze — March 14, 2007 @ 8:18 pm
SurferCam: Notice your initials are the same as Schapelle Corby’s?!? Coincidence?!?!
GG: I’m sure it’s happened to the hundreds of Aussies in Balinese jails. They weren’t actual drug smugglers. Just extremely, extremely unfortunate.
SpazzMcT: Dogs prefer Pepsi. Fact!
Sub: You wouldn’t have been laughing if there was no WiFi coverage in jail. Then you’d have to read my archives for the next 32 years.
GAP: No. Tis true. Every word…except for the five hours thing at the end. It lasted a wee bit longer.
Puss: Long time no see yourself. Yep. I am still mixin it with the big boys that’s for sure.
mezzy: No, no! I’m Good!
Barnze: It was a horrible nightmare until the soapy titwank from Lindsay Lohan
Hit by Russell Allen — March 15, 2007 @ 3:14 pm
that is a classic rusty… always good to surprise yourself. even if it is escaping the long nose of the law.
If anyone was with you on those trips, i am sure they would have been very surprised
Hit by Window Shopper — March 15, 2007 @ 10:31 pm