Sometimes It’s Not All About Me
A little man stood next to me at the crossing. He was a shorty but alas, no midget. I love those little bastards with their chubby little chipolata fingers. Anyways, just before I reached out to pat him on his little balding head he said something to me.
“Could you tell me where the crossing is?” Since we were stood at the crossing. I assume three of three things. Stupid or blind or culturally dyslexic.
“You’re at the crossing fella. Just point and shoot.”
“It’s stupid how the beeping of the crossing only starts when the crossing is green. I am blind so I need to find the crossing. It makes no fucking sound so how can I push the button…and then when it starts beeping there isn’t a linear projection of sound so how the fuck do I know I’m not walking into a car”
I didn’t pipe up straight away but I had always wondered the same thing. “Worse still, turning cars can still go on a green man if the coast is clear”.
“Can they. Holy shit!”
“Yep”
“…”
“I can help you across the road if you like. I promise I won’t leave you in a vegetable patch or anythin”
“Only if you want to. It’s a bit gay”
“Who are you here to see?” I helped him across the road and toward the external lift at the hospital. “Which floor? … Why do they have braille on lift buttons?… How do you even know where the button is?”
“I didn’t even know there was a lift here. I took the walkway last time. That took an eternity. I’m here to see my wife. ”
“Nothing too bad I hope”
“Can’t get any worse. She was supposed to die 3 months ago and she’s still going”
“I’m sorry to hear that” We are standing at the cancer ward. I’m heading to the recovery room. “Here take this”
“Flowers. This is now becoming very gay”
“It’s a large mixed bunch of flowers, seasonal, lots of nice colours. Your wife will love them”
“You don’t have to”
“It’s OK”. In a way I didn’t. It was a selection of lillies. All white. It made him happy and I’m sure its something the wife wasn’t expecting. He walked away smiling
19 Blows Delivered After The Bell. Refereee!!! »
RSS feed for comments on this post.
Try And Make A Meaningful Contribution.
Hit Me With Yer Best Shot
Your e-mail address is never displayed, HTML allowed
for all your bluff and bluster there’s a fuckin’ decent soul inside you Mr Allen.
And a rancid, dirty one too.
But sometimes a nice one. sometimes.
xx
Hit by elaine — February 6, 2007 @ 7:40 am
Ssshhh! Don’t tell no-one
Hit by Russell Allen — February 6, 2007 @ 8:07 am
stop makin’ shit up already, k?
Hit by Rowena — February 6, 2007 @ 9:05 am
Your good deed for the day? Week? Month?
And up until the point where you told the blind man that the flowers were colourful when they were white, I was thinking that you had been positively saintly!
Hit by Giggles — February 6, 2007 @ 9:18 am
*sniff*
“..and he has a heart of gold too”
So, were the flowers enough of a distraction for you to get his wallet, or what?
Hit by hippy — February 6, 2007 @ 9:30 am
Ro-Ro: You’re right. I left out the part where we shagged in the elevator a la Fatal Attraction
GG: I’m a good deed doer when I can be arsed. I told him they were colourful because I wanted to paint a nice picture for him…in his head.
Hippy: No, just his stick
Hit by Russell Allen — February 6, 2007 @ 10:26 am
“I’m here to see my wife.”
Gold.
Hit by Tony.T — February 6, 2007 @ 11:24 am
Trust the crossword guru to notice that one.
Hit by Russell Allen — February 6, 2007 @ 11:53 am
Is this to make up for yesterday?
You may be slightly redeemed. Although I’m with Ro. Old dudes with chipolata fingers don’t say ‘that’s gay’.
Hit by sublime-ation — February 6, 2007 @ 12:36 pm
You’re turning soft.
Must be this late hot summer we’re having up here - it’s melting your brain.
You need a week in Antarctica.
Hit by SurferCam — February 6, 2007 @ 1:07 pm
Subby: I never said he was old. I said he was short and balding. Indoctrinated, halo-effect assuming bigot!!!! He was mid 30’s - tops.
Surfercam: The only soft about me at the mo is my knob.
Hit by Russell Allen — February 6, 2007 @ 2:07 pm
Heart of gold. I wonder when he discovered he was in the Science faculty at the University accross the road?
Hit by Tony — February 6, 2007 @ 5:59 pm
aw Russ, you’ve gone all warm and fuzzy in my head! Bless yer heart! Who were YOU seeing at the hospital?
Hit by mez — February 6, 2007 @ 6:32 pm
Someone who has only 1.85 tits left. Thanks for askin m-dogg
Hit by Russell Allen — February 6, 2007 @ 8:44 pm
balding, blind, so shoot me if I thought he was old!
Hit by sublime-ation — February 7, 2007 @ 10:57 am
I’ve noticed recently that people ‘racial profile’ birds. Everyone feeds Cockatoos (white) but tell Crows (black) to fuck off
Hit by Russell Allen — February 7, 2007 @ 11:39 am
Russ, check out the great news on my blog today!
We might have to have a ‘man-date’ and go along to the opening!
(how ironic that the anti-spam word I had to type in here was ‘boobs’)
Hit by SurferCam — February 8, 2007 @ 10:13 am
racists fucks.
I hate crows cause the sound they makes hurts my ears.
what about pink galahs? And black cockatoos?
Hit by sublime-ation — February 8, 2007 @ 5:07 pm
I haven’t seen either but I reckon I wouldn’t give the black cockatoo my wallet if I was stuck in a lift with him, like most people would.
Hit by Russell Allen — February 9, 2007 @ 2:25 pm