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Plagiarised on 23.12.05 by Russell Allen @ 10:10 am
Am barely able to type in my semi-comotose euphoria. It is my last day of ‘working’ (ahem) before the New Year and this week I’ve done two tenths of fuck all except:
I have sent literally two emails or week and spoken to one client - admittedly I did lick champagne and snort a line off the arse of another client but hey, that’s what happens when you’re a dealmaker. Here come the holidays and chillin out in Syd Vegas…Four Seasons here I come… Planted In Window Box: Pig's Ear Comments: No Comments, Actually I Found 12 Comments Behind The Sofa |
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Plagiarised on 19.12.05 by Russell Allen @ 9:47 pm
Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while you might miss it. No matter what sort of carry-on I get up to, whether it is shagging between the sand-dunes at Surfers Paradise or bumping some horse tranq up my oft-used schnauzer or doing a big fat deal that gives me Beckham-esque wages there is one pleasure I can return to again…and again…and again.
Fellowes PS-65C - Staples, Paper Clips, Credit Cards, Cardboard - Nothing Stands In The Way And Survives I fuckin love shredding. None of this strip shredding either, cross hatch confetti style is the only way to go. I fuckin love my Shredder. MINE! ALL MINE!! Even though it can take 12 pages at a time I like feeding them in - one at a time. The mechanical buzz must act like some white noise, softly atuned brain-wave transmogrifying anti-depressant or sumfink. It’s like friggin Babylon when I need to take some downtime. Coincidence or magic, the last time I remember my brain shutting down in the same way was with this little fella back in the day.
I’ll Get You Turtles! Especially That Mo-Fo Donatello. He’s Too Oh-La-La To Be Bad Mouthin Me And Ma Click Planted In Window Box: Pig's Ear Comments: No Comments, Actually I Found 9 Comments Behind The Sofa |
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Plagiarised on 18.12.05 by Russell Allen @ 10:59 pm
Don’t go for a quick 10k run past the Gold Coast City Council building when there are trigger happy cops hanging outside looking for some action and you are wearing a bleeping heart rate monitor going at 185. To the naked, yet untrained ear, it SUPPOSEDLY sounds like a friggin bomb. Of course, all suicide bombers are white boys wearing singlets, sweating their chuffs off and actually choose to not hide the fact they are carrying a manically bleeping device. And, of course they all want to get the Gold Coast City Council sooooo bad because of the number of taxpayer junkets they go on and their extraordinary (yet unIslamic) services to bikinidom. Hence, the below scene happened today…
Allen Gets Nicked By The Fuzz Planted In Window Box: Very GC Comments: No Comments, Actually I Found 10 Comments Behind The Sofa |
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Plagiarised on 18.12.05 by Russell Allen @ 9:02 am
The last social weekend before Christmas has just passed and on Friday night I went to sleep at 10pm and slept for 13 hours. On Saturday I went to bed at 10pm and just woke up after nearly 11 hours sleep. I reckon I got cholera or dirty bum fever or sumfink… STOP PRESS: When you search ‘bum fever’ in Google Images you get a picture of this…
Further Proof That Google Is An Amazingly Accurate Tool Planted In Window Box: Pig's Ear Comments: No Comments, Actually I Found 9 Comments Behind The Sofa |
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Plagiarised on 17.12.05 by Russell Allen @ 7:23 pm
“I want Streaming Video on Demand with simulataneous torrents available for each user. “I’m sorry I was too busy masturbating into a warm gym sock to even give a shit about what youse just said” Planted In Window Box: Very GC Comments: No Comments, Actually I Found 4 Comments Behind The Sofa |
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Plagiarised on 16.12.05 by Russell Allen @ 1:05 am
Believe it or not, as many people want to see the above as want to see Tracy Grimshaw’s Breasts. It’s true - the exact same number - the stats don’t lie. But since my Photoshop skills are piss poor at best, the chances of me creating a worthy version of the latter image is remote. So, a Russell Allen pic to come. Bollocks to that! No chance of a pic from me. Firstly I’ve got Ocular Herpes - a savage affliction if you’ve ever heard one. Secondly, I’ve got Webbed Teeth but I’m not worried about people’s reaction as I can’t see proper cos of me OH. However, there is one giveaway sign to locate me. By my one true Patrick Bateman-ism… I’m a sure-fire, nerdtacular sneaker freak. Not any old sneaker - Adidas Superstars. My addiction lies with the sheer variety and radness of them all.
5th Anniversary Edition #19 - Tomato Underworld - 5000 pairs made. If you look down at someone’s feet in Australia and see any of these then the likelihood is that you are looking at me.
5th Anniversary Edition #34 - Graffiti Edition. Rare Collectors. I can’t friggin help myself, especially with these 35th anniversary specials - they’re so limited, if I can find a pair they’re mine. You can tell they’re Superstars by their shell-like toe feature.
5th Anniversary Edition #22 - I Heart Berlin - Under 1000 pairs made. Love these ones cos of the black shell. Rare as Balinese buggery.
5th Anniversary Edition #23 - I Heart London- Under 1000 pairs made. Course, I’m a Londoner so I’m all over these puppies.
5th Anniversary Edition #28 - I Heart Buenos Aires - Under 1000 pairs made. These are blingin because they are a b-zarre shade of blue and there are little cartoon sunshines all over him. Diego Maradona only wish he had a pair of these.
5th Anniversary Edition #32- White Perforated- 10,000 pairs made. Adidas made 35 special edition superstars to comemorate this champion among trainers and they are all collectable and all the preceeding trainers from the previous 35 years are all collectable too. Can I point out here that I don’t collect them…I wear them…all of them.
Nylon Superstars - Cosmo & Violet - Japan Only Issue - 5,000 pairs made of each. These are by far my favourite trainers in my wardrobe. I fuckin love these babies. These are found dancing in nightclubs every weekend. They’re hard as nails but soft enough for some top-end twinkle-toes action. And they’re not for girls - alright!!! The next pair on my to-get list are these Andy Warhol babies. Bloody hard to find cos I’m a US 9.5. But I’m still looking.
5th Anniversary Edition #8 - Andy Warhol - 4,000 pairs made. Not a picture of Russell Allen per se, but you get the picture. Planted In Window Box: Answering Search Queries Comments: No Comments, Actually I Found 9 Comments Behind The Sofa |
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Plagiarised on 14.12.05 by Russell Allen @ 7:30 pm
One day after being identified as a top bloke by DIMIA…(Thanks Vanstone…Love Yer Work!!)…I have made the most money I have ever made in a single day. $129,500 OK, this post is not in place to demonstrate I am a legend, though by my own admission I am, but out of that $129.5K, how much do you reckon goes to the government? Huh, whaddya reckon? Few thou?!?! How bout a bit more that that, eh? Well - $11,773 goes to them through GST. Great!! Because I am in the top tax bracket, $60,865 goes to the government in income tax. Woo-hoo!! Can I expect another beating! 1.5% Medicare Levy - $1,942.50 - Whaddya mean I gots wait for my pills and my repeat script…take me to the front of the fuckin queue. So, out of my champion effort of $129,500 I take home… $56,862 That still sounds OK, but what did the bloody government do to deserve over $72,000 of my cash. I’m not going to use all those public services even though I’m bloody going to. I’m going to use the government toilets each time I need a shit. Believe me!! And bloody Naomi-cunting-Robson is fuckin up in arms because some bogan has 23c less beer money this year. Fuck ‘em! It’s cunting unAustralian that some pregnant fuckwit is getting a few grand baby bonus directly out of my pocket. I am more than a tad angry… Planted In Window Box: Pig's Ear Comments: No Comments, Actually I Found 26 Comments Behind The Sofa |
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My Dad
kinda looks like Christopher Moltisanti. Pow!